The Timid Turtle

I spent a few days after Christmas exploring New York City for the first time. We had a wonderful time; taking in a show, exploring a museum, and just immersing ourselves in the sights, sounds, and smells of the hustling, bustling crowds that make up the Big Apple at arguably the most festive time of the year.

This is all new to me. You see, I’ve never stayed overnight in NYC before. I have never taken the train into the City. I’ve never seen Central Park, or waited for a train at Grand Central Station, or walked down 5^th Avenue.

I had begun to think of myself as a very timid turtle. Much of the world felt too big and scary for me. I’ve always liked the close comfort of my shell, and frequently pulled in my head and legs at the first sign of Difference, or Change. Unknown = Fear.

I’m not exactly sure why that is, where it comes from, or when it started. My guess is that it’s a conditioned behavior that I’ve developed over a long period of time. Staying safe and in my comfort zone slowly grew much more attractive than adventuring into the unknown. Whereas many people see change as exciting, challenging, and full of hope and potential, I have viewed new territory as intimidating, unpredictable, and full of uncertainty and dread. I’m amazed that even as I write this, when I think of words such as challenging in my context, the connotation becomes negative for me.

So, why am I confessing to all this? Because a remarkable thing has been happening to me. And, as this thing has begun to change me…ME! I’ve come to believe that it is certainly possible for anyone. Probably even YOU!

What is that remarkable thing? The fact that I am rewiring my thoughts. That my attitude has changed. A lot.

Case in point—we stayed with a friend in New York City. She reacted in disbelief when she learned that I was in my mid-forties and this was my first time overnight in NYC. She nearly fell over when I told her I had lived all my life in Connecticut. How could I have lived one state over all my life and never ventured to one of the greatest cities in all the world? Yes. Indeed.

Well, usually at this point I would start feeling self-consciousness and a bit of shame. And, truthfully, there was a small bit of that. As I previously mentioned, this is a change still in process. But, here’s the amazing thing. (To me, anyway). With one small act, one tiny decision, one simple commitment—I changed all that. All I needed to do was say YES! To something I’ve always longed to do but was too scared to try.

From getting on a train bound for NYC, to arriving in Grand Central Station, and hailing a taxi in front of the terminal. From walking through Central Park, over to Lincoln Center, and down into Times Square. In Central Park, we saw one bride and groom, and a second bride’s father all done out in traditional Scottish dress (on a very cold day); we saw the dance of cabs and cars, and of commuters and vacationers; Europeans and European wanna-be’s; young and old, families and friends.

What an exciting, enriching adventure. I am SO glad I made it there. And, I have myself to thank. With just one small act…