Here is the final installment of my Pismo Beach Meet & Greet adventure with Martha Beck and my fellow cadets. I’ve shared my reflections about the locale, the amazing group of women in my cohort, and my time with Martha Beck. In this post I will share some of my personal journey, and where my training and the Meet & Greet experience have brought me.
A Stormy Day
The temperature has cooled as I sit and write, and the wind is gusting. Clear skies have given way to overcast haziness. It seems appropriate, as I remember my last day in Pismo Beach. The days before had been sunny, dry, and nearing 80°F, with the nights comfortably cool and dry. The last day was struggling to reach 60°F, with strong winds and moisture-laden storm clouds making it feel even cooler. In my heart, I was grateful for the weather change; it made leaving a little bit easier.
Unremarkable Journey
I’m going to bounce back a bit in time, to set a relative starting point for this leg of my journey. I had reached my 30’s without much fanfare. I was single but hoping to find love; I was in a career that I did well but did not find joyful or fulfilling; I felt isolated and alone, without connection.
Then, my dad got sick. Curiously, this helped me find some direction for myself. Where I struggled to find the energy and motivation to help myself, I found I could summon up the will to support and aid my family in understanding and managing their changing thoughts and feelings. It was rewarding, but draining. I focused myself outward to avoid looking inward.
The Small First Step
In retrospect, I can see that realizing that ability, to focus my will and support and connect with others, was my first step along this path. Other small steps followed—traveling, volunteering, connecting. The one commonality was pushing myself to explore and to risk; beginning to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. By pushing myself, I met new people, had new experiences, and started feeling the spark of what a joyful life can be.
The Next Level
One of the people I met during this exploratory stage is now my wife. I’m still amazed at my good fortune; I feel she had the magical ability to look at me back then, seeing my potential to become the man I am growing to be. My wife introduced me to Martha Beck’s works, but it was still an incredible process to move from reading Beck’s self-help books to training with her and having a conversation about the state of men in coaching and in society.
To map it out, I think it all started with my love for my family. That enabled me to overcome the story of Ray that I was telling myself. That space, energy, and fulfillment gave me the little bit of wiggle room to build a little momentum. Wider and wider; I’d explore more, risk more—with more success, more connection; but also more resilience, more confidence in my resourcefulness.
When I look back from here and now, I can’t believe where I was before. I have so much joy, laughter, and fulfillment in my life. Wow! Sure, I still have thoughts that make me pause; I still hesitate; I still get caught up in social pressure. Now, though, I have the tools and experience to face the anxiety, make sense of it, and deal with it.
I don’t think it is magic that amazing opportunities and coincidences appear in my life. I truly believe that it is a combination of being more available in the world, and being more receptive to that world, the people and energy around me.
The Hall Attendant
I want to share with you a final story from the weekend. I think it epitomizes how natural, and magical, this world can be. There was a young lady attending to the banquet hall both days of the Meet & Greet. So, while she made sure the coffee, tea, and water were full, she was able to listen to Martha’s presentation on Saturday and the Master Coaches’ talk on Sunday, and witness and feel the effect this had on all of us.
On Sunday, I asked her if she knew of Martha Beck, and what she thought about what she was experiencing. She said she hadn’t heard of Martha, but was pretty amazed at all she had seen and heard over the two days.
I think there’s something cosmically wonderful that, for all the effort us cadets made to be at the Meet & Greet, this young lady, just showing up to work, shared our amazing experience.
In peaceful moments I think about all that, and believe that there really may be no limits to what is possible.
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