Good Morning, Great Spirit!
Another full moon approaches, which so spectacular when everything is snow-covered. There’s so much beauty in this world – Thank you for helping me to see it.
I spent time recently with a friend, and we were discussing the changing relationship with our parents, as we all get older. I’ve been thinking about the conversation since, and here’s what emerged for me.
Love can be another one of those tricky words – because of the beliefs and “rules” we attach to it, it can become limiting, restricting, and a source of struggle. We tell ourselves that “Love is Hard,” but it’s all the clutter we’re carrying along with it.
I was sharing with this friend some of the frustrations that occurred with my parents and siblings when managing my dad’s care. I was explaining how I truly believed, in my heart, that everyone had the best intentions; but, different people had different solutions, and there was a point where ego and a need for validation was part of the dynamic.
For my part, I offered my best ideas, trying to support them with evidence and explanation, if needed and requested; and, at the end of the day, I tried to remain unattached, understanding that my ideas might not work for my parents; that they had to live with their decisions; and, that it certainly wasn’t personal.
My friend’s response was to repeatedly explain that I needed to outthink, outsmart, and outwit my competitors family members; using reverse psychology to get them to do what I thought was right.
This went on for a bit; and, I started to believe that this also described the approach my friend was taking with her own family. This was where our conversation had started, with her describing her frustrations in dealing with her family.
When I look at it, this is where my mind goes – I’ve had this kind of belief, this rut in my thinking, for a long time. The belief that I am right, I need to be right, and I need others to see that I’m right.
For me, it’s been a real challenge to let that go (still need to work on it, some days!). Because, I attached my value to whether or not I was right, and whether others saw me as right.
I’ve come to understand a few things about that way of thinking. First, what is true for me isn’t, and doesn’t have to be, everybody else’s truth. Second, if I start chasing after other people’s truth, I can quickly lose footing in my own Integrity when I manipulate others to believe I am right.
The Love relationships we have with our families come with a lot of buttons that we press on each other. That makes it challenging to unlearn and find the freedom at the core of a Love relationship. Being right, or needy; claiming ownership; or using love as leverage – are all distortions of Love.
I believe Love is showing up whole; then, celebrating, supporting, and sharing in each other’s lives.
Love You, Creator!
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