Dear Creator,
Today is a bright, sunshiny kind of day. I’m actually watching steam rising up all over outside, as snow from yesterday is vaporized by the intense rays.
What is “supposed to” be? I know I want snow; yet, I watch these tufts of steam rising up, and I think of the magic of transformation. That snow changing right before my eyes, suspended in the air to become the stuff of clouds; maybe to be part of our next storm, or to travel a thousand miles and crystallize on some mountain peak.
There is never just one way to see things. We are reminded of that all the time – different people see the same thing, yet get something different, personal, and unique out of it.
Also, as we change, learn, mature, and add to our catalog of experiences, what we get from similar scenarios can shift dramatically.
Too often, we divide the World into Dualities – true or false, good or bad, right or wrong, success or failure. It’s just not that simple, and we can do ourselves some harm, creating suffering, when we try to force the flow of our lives into one of just two boxes.
Our emotions follow our thoughts; but, we have the power to choose our thoughts. And, it’s our perspective that generates our view of a situation, and we have the ability to change and choose our perspective, as well.
What I am talking about here is personal magic, the power to transform the way you observe your life.
I think some great examples of this materialized in my self-assessment of my 2015. From one perspective, I could see a lot of failure – fewer coaching clients, less income, less writing. From the perspective I choose, though, I see a lot of success and personal development – I maintained balance through the physical and emotional transition of moving; I overcame discomfort in many areas, including résumé writing and interviewing; I strengthened my self-confidence by landing my retail job in a friendly, fun environment; I kicked off 2016 by leaping into sharing these Pages, to strengthen my vulnerability and risk muscles, and to share my Coaching Magic; and, my wife and I strengthened our communication and trust within all the transition, deepening our relationship.
I find it amazing that both of those stories come out of exactly the same experience.
In some ways, for me, it boils down to this (and I hope I can articulate it well; because, I think this is important).
Many times in our lives, this is our experience: I tried, and I failed.
What I learned growing up, was to see it this way: I tried, but I failed. And, failure meant shame, rejection, and ridicule. Failure was not acceptable; failure was not an option.
Well, despite best efforts, sometimes failure happens; right? So, the only strategy that seemed to solve the problem was to try less. Less often, and/or with less than 100% effort and commitment. In other words, to dare less often and avoid vulnerability.
Of course, as I’ve said before, this perspective is self-defeating. When I no longer tried, I had zero opportunity for success. Plus, as I attempt to avoid risk and vulnerability, which was always present, my world and opportunity shrank smaller and smaller.
So, I made a conscious choice – to change my perspective, and thereby change my thinking about my experiences; which transformed the way I feel about myself and my life.
It started by changing the emphasis when I looked at my experiences: I tried; even if I failed.
It was challenging and uncomfortable for a little while; it was hard not to focus on the failure at the end.
Yet, over time, I recognized the courage showing up in me; to try, despite my fear of failure.
What else changed? Well, I was doing a lot of joyful things and enjoying my life more, once I let go of needing a guarantee of success before doing them.
Does that make sense? Once I stopped holding back and only doing things I thought I could do successfully – I started experimenting and playing, having a lot more fun and joy along the way!
Then, the Magic really happened!
And, it reminds me of the Compassion Meditation yesterday – once you hold your heart open with Compassion, to not hold someone, even just one person, with Compassion feels like closing your heart, and you just won’t want to do it.
Likewise, once you start Trying more and more, and feeling courageous and successful just for trying, you won’t want to close that door. It becomes impossible to see anything as just failure, when you know that you are already successful just for trying; for daring, playfully and joyfully; living your life as the adventure it’s meant to be.
And, here’s the best secret of all – sometimes, by showing up and daring to try – the very thing you hoped would happen – happens! Or, sometimes what happens is even better than you imagined!
And, none of that happens when you fail to try!
So, I feel like I’ve put a lot out there this week to think about. A Gathering – Conversations, starting with Fear and Regret, as a jumping off spot to go deeper. The Magic of Conjuring – of waxwings and eagles, by dreaming and doing. I asked Four Big Questions; have you listened to your answers? I shared some of my Big Dreams; have you dared to envision yours? I offered a meditation to create Compassion for ourselves, and all others; does that have a place in your life, at this time? And, today, I offered a perspective focused on trying, bravely daring; and, how that can transform your life in Magical Ways!
Now I want to create a next step, by again bravely daring – for both of us! So, I have time to chat this Sunday and Monday, the 14th and 15th. Let’s connect and discuss the Magic and Transformation ideas for this week. Email me at rdepaola@sunrisejourneys.com, and we’ll make it happen! Give yourself a loving gift of connection and exploration this Valentine’s Day!
Living the Joyful Adventure! Thank you, Spirits!
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