Peace, My Dearest Creator –
I awaken to a new day, My Guides; the pages of today are blank and unwritten, like the empty pages before me now.
Things will happen that I will notice. My brain will conjure thoughts about what I see, mere nanoseconds after I see it.
But, then there’s what I do next. Right there, Dear One, is where I get to choose.
For the longest time, I didn’t know this. I was convinced that, being an animal, my responses were as controlled by impulses as the salivations of Pavlov’s dogs.
When somebody treated me inconsiderately or unfairly, I would get angry. When someone was kind to me and gave me attention and approval, it made me happy.
Then, I met a psychologist who asked me to look a little deeper at my assumptions. He asked me what I would do if I was driving to work and saw a kid bend down, blatantly pick up a rock, and then throw it, on purpose, at my car, cracking the windshield. How would I respond?
Well, I know I would be really angry, and I told him so.
He then asked how I would feel and act if, when stopping and getting out of my car, already angry, I saw that the kid was crying and very upset, and was directing my attention to another child, who was unconscious on the ground. That I immediately understood that the child’s actions were a desperate way to get help for the other child.
“Well,” I said, “I would try to help the other child.”
“Would you still be angry?” he asked.
“Of course not,” I replied.
“Why not?”
I responded, “Well, once I understood why the kid threw the rock at my car, in order to get help, why would I be angry at him?”
He then pointed out to me that this showed how my response was conditional, not just automatic.
I realized that, with certain information, and under certain conditions, I would have zero anger about a kid throwing a rock at my car and cracking the windshield. A minute before, I did not think it possible for me not to be angry.
What else might I be misunderstanding?
The psychologist then pointed out, “You said that once you understood why the kid threw the rock, you wouldn’t be angry at him.”
“Um, yeah.”
“I never said it was a boy. Here’s just another thing to notice – the tricks our minds can play on us. I told you a story, and your mind assumed a boy. So, that’s what you’ve been imagining and seeing.”
There’s a zen story that similarly challenges us to choose our response. Imagine you are in your shiny new boat on a foggy lake. You suddenly see another boat coming at you, and you shout for it to steer clear. But, it runs right into your new boat. You are angry, and go to yell at the person in the other boat, when you see no one. Apparently, the boat had simply broken free, and the collision is just an accident.
The question becomes, “What do you do, when there is no one to blame; no one toward whom you can direct your anger?”
These questions opened me to the realization that there is space between an incident happening, the thoughts I have about it, which of those thoughts I choose to heed, and my ultimate response.
It is work, sometimes. And, when I’m not aware, I fall into old thoughts and habits; my old, worn ruts. Even that, though, is a choice.
Today I struggled to write. Even that is the ebb and flow, the way of things. Done for today, and looking forward to a different tomorrow.
Here’s a Prompt to try today:
Think of a recent incident where you got angry.
Leaving aside any judgment about whether or not you “should have” gotten angry, try to frame the incident around the perspective of the empty boat.
Does it change your anger, if there is not someone toward whom you can direct it? Is there a diffusion, or release, of your angry energy?
Meditating and asking for guidance helps me find the space around my thoughts. Thank you, Spirit Guides!
Recent Comments