Greetings, Abundant Creator!
This morning the sun is up and out in a hazy, but cloudless, blue sky. A dense fog persists at one end of our valley, lingering above the meandering river.
Today is supposed to be mostly clear, calm, and hot, after a cool front rolled through yesterday afternoon, triggering a couple rounds of powerful thunderstorms, with high winds and heavy rain.
Last night, as I was thinking about my kayaking classes today, I found myself with the thought – “Thank God I wasn’t out there with a class today.”
And, I find I’m tired and frustrated with that old way of thinking. My old way of thinking. We did have a class out there – two of my fellow instructors did have to manage the situation. I’m very interested to learn what conditions they faced, and decisions they made.
I’m tired, though, of seeing myself controlled by my fears. Sure, it would be scary to be caught on the water in a thunderstorm. But, it is always a possibility. When I think, “Thank God I wasn’t!” I’m telling myself I don’t believe I could handle it; I don’t trust myself.
There are lots of moments and opportunities within that situation. Did they see the forecast and scrub the class before even going out? Did they see the weather change and cut the class short? Did the weather bypass their area altogether? Were they out, get caught in the storm, and have to take shelter somewhere up the river?
Each one of these choices leads to a different situation and different scenario. I want to believe in myself that I can navigate creatively and effectively any of the possibilities that would proceed from any choice that I make.
– It’s interesting that when I look up from my writing now and look outside, there’s a thin level of overcast that has appeared, covering a good portion of the sky. Checking the weather, it’s to be partly cloudy most of the day. So, that clear, blue sky I saw to begin my day feels like a treat. –
You know, Dear One, that it’s delightful when things go well. But, all too often, things go awry. It’s those moments, I believe – when we need to get resourceful and creative, and trust our instincts and intuition; when we do our best and believe that will be enough – that we grow the most, and we become the most free.
I think about the student I had who capsized in my third or fourth class. If, instead of facing that, I just kept telling myself, “I hope I never have to rescue anyone,” it would reinforce my self-doubt that I couldn’t handle it. It did happen, I did respond, and we got the boy back in his kayak. I learned what I could do, rather than being unsure and thinking what I might not be able to do.
Yet, the rescue wasn’t perfect. The kayak blew away from the boy, so I stayed with the boy, and the other instructor, Dan, chased down the boy’s kayak. So, I’ve contemplated how I would manage things without another instructor there. It’s helpful to discuss it with my colleagues in order to consider all the options available.
We can get stuck into thinking the only success is when things go well. In Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet, in her chapter on Creativity, she emphatically declares: “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”
Maybe, Dear One, right now is an example of doing it badly. I don’t think I’m clearly expressing what it is I’m trying to say. But, I’m trying. And, even if murky, maybe it’s still speaking to you.
That pattern of thinking – “everything has to be perfect” and “if anything goes wrong, it means I screwed up, and I’m a failure” – sabotages me, traps me in fear, and disables my creative, resourceful self.
So, no more “Thank God that didn’t happen to me” – please and thank you. Bring on the adventure!
Here’s Today’s Prompt:
Dear One, remind yourself of an adventure you had in your life where any number of things went wrong, and it took a lot of creativity and flexibility to navigate and resolve; but, in the end, it all worked out.
When you remember it, try to especially tap into the moments that felt exciting (not anxious), and where you came up with creative solutions.
I wanna keep on Shining, and Surfing the Waves, My Dear Guides!
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