If I’m smart enough, resourceful enough, and good enough, shouldn’t I be able to fix “my stuff” myself?
I want to ask you to consider your question this way—if you don’t fix “your stuff” yourself, is that proof that you are not smart enough, resourceful enough, or good enough?
Under “The Old Rules,” perfection is the ideal. Perfect is great and right; it’s powerful and unassailable.
I think it’s also a hiding place, from being real and being human.
What happens when we aren’t immediately good at something? When we get things wrong? When we show up less than perfect?
And, isn’t that most of the time?
Often, less than perfect leaves us feeling weak, unworthy, and not enough. We feel vulnerable—open to shame, disapproval, and disconnection. So, we act perfect, while feeling evermore disconnected from our true self.
Here’s a newsflash—we are all Works-in-Progress. We’re all in the midst of learning and improving. Some things we might eventually master, over time, but there will always be some things we’ll just never get the hang of.
And, in the meantime, we’ll have plenty of missteps, messes, and disasters.
It’s no wonder we struggle—the rules of the game tell us that the only way we can feel good about ourselves is by pretending to be something that we’re not.
I’ve spent a good deal of my life attempting to hide my imperfections. At the time, I thought I was the only one hiding, and I felt like the biggest phony. I believed that if people knew the real me, I’d be all alone and abandoned.
But, in my hiding, I was already alone.
I know now that a lot of people are pretending; playing roles they think they’re supposed to play. They isolate themselves, because they believe they aren’t good enough. Because they aren’t perfect.
When it comes to fixing our own problems, we often don’t see them clearly. When we are too close, our problems get distorted and out of proportion, or they are hidden in our blindspots. As your coach, I can offer my objective perspective, within a safe and compassionate space. You gain access to this new and vital information, and then together, we can create new strategies.
So, let me ask you. Who is stronger and more courageous, as well as smarter and more resourceful—the person who is stuck, with their one view and their own limited beliefs? Or, the person who dares to show their vulnerability, and asks for help to stretch and grow beyond those limited beliefs, toward something bigger, bolder, and better?
As a heart-based coach, I celebrate the reality that we are all learning and improving. I will keep encouraging you to dare to try new things, to be curious, and to explore and expand your limits.
Because, why not live a life of adventure and joy, where you can truly be yourself?
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