Are You Enough?

I see it a lot. From folks I work with, but also in articles, books, and social media. Moms and dads, students and colleagues, single and married, young and old. More and more people, when they get honest and vulnerable with themselves, admit that often and regularly they don’t feel like they are enough.

Certainly, what enough is or isn’t looks different for each of us, based on our personal histories and experiences. But this much is common—one part of what constitutes enough-ness comes from what we understand and believe are others’ expectations of us, and the other part comes from our own internal values and aspirations. Sometimes, though, the line between these two parts can blur, and we begin assuming certain goals are internal and ours, when in fact they are ubiquitous and external, originating, for example, from our family or society. 

Much about the external measure of being enough is being driven by our current culture of comparison, competition, and perfectionism. It starts early. For example, I can’t remember a moment of my life before which there wasn’t some level of comparison or competition. Who was the cuter baby? Who began crawling first? First one potty-trained? Knew their letters and numbers? 

Then school and spelling bees and multiplication tables. Report cards. Sports and who made the team, and who is a starter. Popularity and relationships. Scholarships and college acceptances.

First jobs. Salaries. Cars. Homes. Spouses. Kids. Vacations. Expensive toys. Social media followers. Likes.

Winners and losers. Better and worse. Failure and success.

From this culture of competition and comparison emerges our tendencies to create a façade of perfection to hide our less-than-shiny true selves, and to tear down others when we are unable to elevate ourselves up.

So, where does that leave us? I mean, I get that competition and comparison are everywhere in our society, but I have a question for you: How is it working for you?

If it is truly a positive, motivating influence for you, and it helps you to consistently strive and grow, that’s awesome. Carry on!

For most of us, though, the energy and attention we expend worrying about how we are measuring up to everyone else—our siblings or spouse, our colleagues at work or other students in our program, the person in the car next to us or with more social media followers—takes our focus away from our best efforts, drains us of our creative energies, and destroys our joy.

So, if this describes you, please know you are not alone. And I have another question for you: What if it doesn’t have to be this way?

You’ve probably heard the oft-repeated Einstein quote about how one definition of insanity is the doing of the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I believe what we are talking about here goes even further—

Does it make sense in your heart and belly when you think your success and happiness requires you to defeat your colleagues and the people around you? Does it make you feel good to believe you must be perfect to deserve success and happiness? Are you enjoying your life walking on eggshells and comparing yourself to everyone else and some inhuman perfect version of yourself, leaving you constantly believing that you are never enough?

One of the things I do with clients is help them break the cycle of negativity that is born from competition and comparison. We explore your values: what matters to you, who you want to be, and how you want to show up in the world. We focus on you, and we build measures of success based on your values and goals; not how you compare to anyone else.

I know one of the most important things in this kind of work is getting the support you need when you are doing something different than you’ve been doing, and something different than what most of the world is telling you to do. 

Let’s face it: there’s a lot of pressure to turn back to the old ways of doing things. The ways you know have never really worked for you.

I’m here for you. I offer support, structure, a sounding board, a creativity companion, and an accountability partner. I can help you rise. Let’s find your success and your joy, on your terms.

I’d love for you to leave a comment so I can hear how being enough has shown up in your life.

If this message resonates with you, sign up for a complimentary Strategy Session.

And if you know someone who can benefit from this post, please share it with them!

Until Next Time!

Ray