I had a recent post that was very popular, where I asked the question Are You Enough? In the post, I examined how our culture of comparison, competition, and perfection is leading so many of us to believing that we have fallen short and are not measuring up to society’s expectations.
That post prompted a lot of comments and conversations with people—some public, more private. So many people have some area in their life where they feel like they aren’t achieving enough and are letting the people they care about down. For many, it’s more than one.
The areas may be different for different people—career or relationships, health or education, spirituality, finances, personal development, or just the overall quality of their life. The consequences of feeling not enough, though, tend to be quite similar. Vulnerability and defeat are common, which can generate low confidence and low energy. Inevitably, this makes us feel like even less.
This is the cycle: We are told we are not enough. Once told, we see it in ourselves, and we begin to believe it. Because we believe it, we act like less, making the belief true, and our world shrinks a bit. Then we are told it again (or we start saying it to ourselves) and the cycle continues.
Each time we believe it and our world shrinks, we get more imprisoned and stuck in fear, doubt, and judgment.
But that was what the other post was for, describing what not enough is and how we get there. And, frankly, if you know it, you know it.
What I am going to offer here are 3 tips when you regularly feel like you’re not enough.
Tip 1: Less is More. None of us can please everybody all the time. It’s just not possible. Still, moment to moment, when it happens, and someone we care about feels hurt or let down, our heart aches.
The key is to accept that this is part of life. You can give your best in the moment, and it may still not be enough. Accept your limitations. We all have them. If you honestly know you could have done more, or done things better, then learn the lesson. But, feeling guilty or ashamed won’t change the situation. It may just soothe your ego in relation with this other person.
Tip 2: Know and Remember Your Why. Spend time learning and sharpening your Internal Guidance System—your values and your dreams. Once you know what matters to you and how you want to show up in the world, you can run all your choices through that filtering system.
Trust me, there will still be times you forget to check in with yourself, or your choice will go sideways anyway. This is about practice, not perfection. Checking in with your Why helps you begin in the best direction. Which can be priceless.
Also, remember this: it’s not about how many values you honor. More is not necessarily better. For most of the big and small decisions I face, I’ve found that my three key values guide me pretty well. Operating with more than that, and a couple usually wind up crossing with each other, leaving you in conflict. Knowing your three truest values can guide you well and take you far.
Tip 3: Your Inner Circle. Everyone needs support, friendship, and community. To see and be seen, to share and connect.
If you feel like you don’t have an Inner Circle, be willing to shift things in yourself to change that.
If you don’t feel supported by your Inner Circle, you need to ask yourself why. See Tip 2. See if your Why is supported by the people in your circle, and if it complements their Whys. If it doesn’t, you may need a new circle with new people, or you may need to be more open and vulnerable with the circle you have.
Again, less is more. It’s not about how many people you have in your Inner Circle. Your circle should support and encourage you to be your best self, and you should also love supporting and encouraging the members of your circle to be their best self.
Thank you for joining me for this post. I hope you find these tips helpful or thought-provoking. Please share them with someone you think could benefit from these strategies. And please leave a comment to let me know what you’re experience has been around Being Enough, and what your favorite tip is.
If this message speaks to you, and you want to work together to begin creating change and movement in your life, check out my Programs Page.
And if you have more questions about my coaching and how it can help you, sign up today for a free Strategy Session.
Until Next Time,
Ray
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