I’ve been life coaching for over a decade now, and there are some familiar patterns and beliefs that commonly show up with clients. Recognizing these change-blocking patterns comes in really handy in supporting clients, because then we can work on shifting the old beliefs and creating new strategies to circumvent the blocks. Eliminating the block acts like a green light that promotes more ease and movement toward the client’s goals.
Five Common Change-Blocking Patterns
Nobody has all the answers: Clients often begin coaching because they feel stuck or lost. They want answers; someone to point them to the way out. And what I believe is that nobody knows you better than you know yourself. That said, I also know that there are some things present-day you has yet to discover. So, be curious. Be adventurous. Be daring. And be open to new ideas, new information, and new perspectives. It’s all data.
Calibrating your self-trust: Clients have often developed some level of self-doubt through any manner of experiences, such as break-ups or divorces; betrayals by former friends or family; or poor money management, unsatisfying career choices, or unhealthy lifestyle choices.
The fact is, I don’t know a single person with zero regrets. The key to a fulfilling life isn’t the absence of mistakes; it’s the ability to learn from those mistakes. And to learn how strong and capable you are to thrive through your challenges. No one can wave a magic wand to give you self-trust; you must build it through your experiences.
Small changes get you further than big changes: Most clients want big results, fast! Hey, I get it. When you finally get brave enough to get honest about your stuckness, discomfort, dissatisfaction—whatever hurts that muchthat you need to change it—you want it to change immediately.
One reality, though, is that you’ve spent your entire life believing and doing the things that got you here, so it’s a bit, let’s say optimistic, to think we can unknot all those tangles in a couple of sessions.
I also see clients who want to be able to declare one big, dramatic change, and ride that one effort to relief and happiness.
What I’ve seen again and again is that small, consistent, positive changes are what drives the biggest and most sustainable success. Often, the big change requires more effort and energy than the client is ready to put out right away, which is exactly why the grand gestures haven’t fixed everything in the past.
Small, consistent, positive changes aren’t flashy or dramatic, but they build a practice, and the small steps compound in the right direction. You will build a practice, and it’s the practice that is essential, because that’s the heart and spirit that will sustain you when faced with inevitable setbacks.
Going slow brings faster change: This is so counter-intuitive, and where a lot of clients get stuck. When we want to move fast, two things often happen. Either we get distracted by each and every shiny new idea or strategy, jumping back and forth but making very little progress, and not developing that crucial practice we need. The other thing we might do is dive into one idea and hang on so tight and move so fast that we suffer tunnel vision and suffer rope burn.
Ideally, you want to slow down to a pace where you keep moving but are awake and aware of your surroundings. You are building practice, momentum, and a rhythm, but you can also check in with yourself to make sure you are on the right track.
You will be amazed how much time this can save you.
You must let go of something to make room for something better: This may be the hardest of all. Regardless of how much a person is struggling with certain aspects of their life, and no matter how certain they may be that things need to change, letting go of that thing before they know what will replace it is one of the hardest, most faith-testing things we may ever do.
It can create a sense of vertigo, or freefall. And yet, we can never hold something new unless we open our hand and let go of what’s already there. I’ve seen folks wrestling with this, and I get it. Sometimes the pain we are in helps us let go. Sometimes there’s a moment of courage. Often, though, it comes about when the client makes up their mind to trust themselves and their inner strength and heart. Trust that they are on a good path. And that this is the next step.
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