The Fear You See in the Mirror

by | Feb 4, 2023 | Life Coaching, Men's Work

Fear. How do you feel about feeling afraid? What do you think about your fears? How do you react when you feel afraid?

As men, we are taught that fear is bad, feeling afraid is weakness, and showing fear is dangerous and makes us vulnerable.

So, what are you supposed to do when you see fear staring back at you in the mirror?

Because we all feel fear. It’s not just a switch we can turn off. Fear of loss, hard times, struggles; fears of not measuring up and not being enough. But maybe the thing we fear the most is the fear itself, and others finding out.

So, when we see fear staring back at us in the mirror, we feel vulnerable and weak, because we believe what we’ve been taught. And we know others will see us the same way, because they’ve been taught the same thing.

So, we try to hide our fears away. We don’t ask for help or get support. We don’t show up as our full and authentic selves. We isolate ourselves more, hoping no one discovers our secret fears.

We vilify fear, when fear is just information and can be our ally. Fear is a mind-body pathway that offers us emotional feedback to our thoughts and experiences. Fear can point us to our passions and what matters most to us. If we are willing to listen.

What we really fear is judgment and social acceptance. That others will think less of us for being afraid. Let me say that again—it’s not our initial fears that make us feel vulnerable; it’s our fear of being judged by others and being demeaned, ridiculed, or ostracized.

Which brings us back to the original question—What are you to do when you see fear staring back at you in the mirror?

Try this: Look back. Accept your fear, and then ask it what it’s there to tell you. Remember that, in this moment, it’s just you and your fear. No one else needs to know.

Find out where your fear is pointing you. Use your discernment to decide if it’s reliable information, or from some small, scared part of you—which is still helpful information.

As you practice looking back at your fear in the mirror and spending time with it, you will also build your capacity to look back when you’re afraid of judgment from others. Your courage will deepen. You will begin to see how often fear shows up for all of us; and that many run and hide, but some pause and listen.

Let fear be your ally.

Building our relationship with fear (and working with the accompanying graphic) will be part of an upcoming class on courage. Please contact me if you are curious about the graphic or are interested in more information about the class.

Until next time,

Be Courageous!