The other day, I attended a virtual gathering—for men only. It was on a subject I really knew nothing about but was interested in learning. The gathering, I discovered, was for trained facilitators, not a novice like me. I stayed for a while, but I struggled, knowing I was surrounded by guys who all had expertise with this practice. I felt ashamed for what I didn’t know, and I felt vulnerable, worrying that I might be called upon and would embarrass myself. I left the meeting early.
The interesting thing was that the main purpose of the gathering was to explore why more men don’t participate in this practice, and to come up with strategies that would engage more men.
Of course, getting men to engage in health, wellness, and personal development practices is a purpose near and dear to my heart, and I stayed for that discussion. And I noticed a somewhat peculiar thing; maybe something I wouldn’t have noticed if I was a skilled practitioner. Because while these other men talked about how powerful and positive their exercise experiences were, I had been experiencing the powerful emotions of shame, vulnerability, and fear of embarrassment.
I recently addressed some of this dynamic of fear in my most recent Men, Together video. When we are in the metaphorical stands, just observing people in the game, one of the biggest things that keeps us on the sidelines are our own fearful thoughts—our past wounds and experiences, fear of failure and not being enough, and fear of what others will think—to name a few.
And we buy into this belief that those in the game are somehow special—that they are immune to the doubts and fears.
What you need to know is that those in the game have fears and doubts, too. That often they’ve paused and hesitated, sometimes for months and years, before stepping onto the field. That in business, relationships, activism, passion, and purpose, everybody who makes it was somebody who had doubts and fears and was on the sidelines. And chose to step on the field and play full-out.
How do they do it? How do they make that choice, and take that step?
I think it’s different for everybody, and there are thousands of ways. For some, it’s courage. Others, faith. For some, the dream of what could be is more powerful than their fears—at least for a moment. For others, the pain of now requires them to take action. And for some, it’s the partnership of a coach that supports their best intentions and motivations.
I’ve seen and experienced, again and again, that when we step on the field and truly engage in the game, our passion and heart and body are too involved to remember to be afraid. We find our flow, in the flow of the moment. And that’s a beautiful thing!
What I noticed in the online gathering I mentioned at the beginning is that the men no longer had the fears of a beginner. And really, that’s the question. Here you are, reading these posts: What are the doubts and fears stopping you from exploring how coaching could serve you? What’s keeping you on the sidelines?
And. What might you gain by stepping onto the field? What do you want to be doing, and who do you want to be? What is missing from your life, and what are you ready to do about it?
I know you have doubts and fears. I also know that when you do walk through them onto the field, it can all change. In surprising, powerful, and wonderful ways.
We have a private Men’s Group on Facebook, a virtual community where we can meet up and talk about the benefits and struggles that we experience as men in the world. So, that’s one place you can step on the field and participate. If you are interested, let me know and I can send you an invitation.
We will also be scheduling virtual Office Hours and weekly Coworking sessions via Zoom. Office Hours will be an opportunity to drop in to ask questions and get spot coaching. It will be a virtual open-door first come, first served experience. Coworking are Zoom sessions where we circle up virtually, supporting each other’s intentions and efforts to work on our own specific goals for that time period. It’s a process to help you schedule yourself to show up for yourself, as we all support each other.
And we are planning to begin an in-person Men’s Group at the Hanover office that will meet a couple times a month. Please let me know if you are interested, as I hope to coordinate times and space.
In all things, I wish you well. It’s Game Time!
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