Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” or some variation. It’s an idea that has circulated in self-help and personal development spaces for years. The saying is often attributed to Jim Rohn: an entrepreneur, “self-made millionaire,” motivational speaker, and author.
The notion is fairly straight-forward: that the five people you spend the most time with will coincidingly exert the most influence on you. This shows up in all the ways—from your career and income, to what you believe and how you spend your time, to how healthy and happy you are in your life.
The idea is more theoretical than practical. I mean, why five people? Why not four, or ten? And can it really be applied to any aspect of your life you want to change? Because so many people focus on career, income, and status, the suggested strategy is to “trade up” your five people to get the things you want.
So, that’s the premise. But what if you are the one leading the way, but you want more? Do you jettison your friends to move up? And why would your ideal five want you? Won’t you just drag them down?
Chasing superficial gains, and trading friendships for them, may not serve us in the long run. Our relationships can be more valuable than that.
When we are talking about values, authenticity, integrity, and purpose, however, it can be invaluable to identify if we are currently leaving these things behind to fit in. If so, we will definitely be better served to find community that values and supports living an authentic, value-guided life.
Also, a community of men grounded in values and authenticity aren’t worrying about being pulled down; they are focused and committed to lifting each other up.
Finally, when you’re pursuing purpose and a value-guided life, and not so strictly following the “5 people” rule, you can always choose to keep your circle wide and offer a lift to all your mates.
Five is just a number, and we can all rise together.
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